he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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