last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
