In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
