Sry I called you an 8
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
