i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
