Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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