this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
