I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
