I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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