It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
