Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
