Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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