upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
