I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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