apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
