I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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