saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
