Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
