Its about making memories worth repressing
I've blown a few things in my day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
