oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
