If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You have to summon your inner elephant
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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