So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
