I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
