Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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