I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
