his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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