She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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