I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
