dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
