So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
