i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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