i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
