I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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