its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
