There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize