Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
