He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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