Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
