Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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