birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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