Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
