if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
