we have officially lost it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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