Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
