We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
