im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
