I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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