i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
