we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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