I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
