Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
