I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
