sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
