I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
