hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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