my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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