it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
