they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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