I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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