There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All the doctor said was why
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
