He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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