If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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