Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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