ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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