remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
