I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize