the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Randomize
