My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
