so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
