ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
