She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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